I was sitting at my desk at work, filling in spreadsheets and wishing I had someone special in my life. I was lamenting the fact that I always seem to attract weirdos and men older than my parents; I was jealous over seeing all the beautiful couples at the park and wishing it was me instead of them.
And then a lightbulb went off and I thought about myself in a way that never occurred to me before: I am a gift. The decision to share my time with another when I could be doing something else is a gift to that person. The decision to make myself vulnerable to another's desires is a gift. The decision to trust someone with my body and heart is a huge gift. The decision to invite someone into my home, my private sanctuary, is a gift.
Not everyone is worthy of such gifts. Some people, like my ex-husband, didn't appreciate my gifts and took them for granted. Some people don't recognize the value of the gifts I have to offer and they treat them carelessly. Some people think they are entitled to my gifts because they paid me a little bit of attention. Unfortunately I have tried to give my gifts to all of those types of people, only to have my battered heart and bruised ego handed back to me callously.
Someone, somewhere, will be worthy of receiving my gifts someday. That person will see what I have to offer as I lay my treasures at their feet and will find them priceless gifts. That person will take those gifts and gently care for them, not put them in a box on a high shelf to be forgotten, or tossed out with yesterday's garbage. They will accept my gifts with gratitude, and in return, give me their own gifts to treasure.
When I give someone a present for a special occasion, I put a lot of time and effort into choosing or making something that I know they would like and use. Most of the time my presents are homemade, because I enjoy using my talents and creativity to bring joy to someone else. There's no better feeling in the world to me than making someone else happy. Giving someone my personal gifts is no different; I put a lot of time and effort into making another person happy. It is in my best interest to find a partner that is worth all of efforts and in return makes the effort to try and make me happy as well.
Finding that special person takes a lot of patience. In the meantime, I will be sculpting my gifts and perfecting them in preparation for the one who is to receive them. For the next 37 days, I will be taking a daily look at ways in which I am a gift to those around me, and how that in turn gives my life meaning and purpose.