The Law of Attraction

The Law of Attraction is a basic universal truth that "like attracts like", or as I like to put it, "be what you want to attract".  As humans, we have the ability to attract both positive and negative forces into our lives, but sometimes we get so caught up in the moment that we don't even realize things are happening. 

During the years that I was married, I felt like I was stuck in an endless tunnel; I wasn't happy with my spouse, and in turn, it created unhappiness in the rest of my life -- I was unhappy in my job, unhappy with my house, angry, irritable, resentful, judgmental and always finding fault with something.  For a person who is naturally an optimist, it was a toxic environment. I felt like that tunnel had no end and that I would always be stuck there in the dark with my blanket of negativity.  One day though, a thought opened a door at the end of the tunnel and a little pinprick of light appeared.  The more I began to follow that thought, the brighter the light got until I eventually found myself bathed in light and positivity.

Looking back on those years, I can see how all of my negativity pulled more negativity towards me like a magnet. Conversely, since starting over and changing my thought patterns, positive things have happened in ways I could never have expected; things like receiving a windfall of money right when I needed one, or an unexpected bit of kindness. Some people might call that karma, and perhaps that has something to do with it, but I think it has more to do with the fact that I have worked hard towards dispelling the negativity that plagued me for so long and have worked equally hard to replace that negativity with positive thoughts.

I can see now how just thinking positive thoughts leads me to project more positivity outwards and how that projection of feelings draws more positive people towards me. I can more easily handle setbacks and criticism and rarely get or stay angry. I can handle conflicts better with more grace and dignity and my confidence has taken off like a jet.  I do still get down and depressed, just like I used to, but now it happens less often and doesn't hang around as long as it did before.  Being more positive has opened my mind to new possibilities and theories that before I would have easily dismissed.

Now that I have moved out of that tunnel, it seems more imperative than ever to me to surround myself with people who are also positive thinkers.  I had to take a long hard look at who I was associating myself with and ended some relationships with people who had the potential to drag me back down to the dark. When I meet new people, I've noticed that I spend less time thinking about their looks and more time reading their personality and aura to see if that is someone with whom I might be compatible.

The Law of Attraction is a very real thing with very real benefits.  I encourage you to look it up and apply it to your own life.



Thoughts on Confidence

What is confidence?  The dictionary defines it as "full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing".  To be self-confident means to trust in yourself, believe in yourself, and be self-reliant.  I've spent the past month thinking a lot of being more self-confident.  For my previous 37-day projects on positive thinking and being a gift to others, I kept a daily journal of my thoughts, actions and feelings, so I could revisit them and learn from them.  This time around though, I did things a little differently; instead of keeping a journal, I just repeated the word "confident" to myself several times throughout the day, consciously and subconsciously, to see if I could perceive a difference in myself.  And as it turns out, I did.

One of the things I concentrated on during this time was eliminating things that made me feel self-conscious or stressed out.  I cleaned out my closet and donated any ill-fitting clothes to charity.  I took a break from my social group that was causing me some emotional stress.  However, one of the biggest lessons I have learned this year is that when you remove negative things from your life, you have to fill the void back up with positive things.  So I concentrated on having a better posture and not looking at the ground when I walked.  I focused on actually smiling at people, instead of a frozen half-smile. I actively engaged in conversations with strangers and started going to the gym more.

As the month progressed, I began to get a little bolder and do things by myself that normally I might have been too shy to do alone.  I went to an introductory beekeeping class by myself since it is an interest of mine, and decided to join the local beekeeper's association.  I went out to eat by myself at a real sit-down restaurant and not just a fast-food drive-thru.  I even struck up conversations with strangers while I was there.  Then I decided to seek out other groups that share my similar interests, hoping that in the process I might make some new friends, but even if I don't, at least I will be actively engaging in things that I enjoy.

What I found is that confidence, much like positivity, breeds more confidence.  I started with some small things, like improving my posture and eye contact, and progressed to becoming more bold and doing things outside my comfort zone.  By repeating my mantra of the word "confidence" several times throughout the day, I was able to continually bring the subconscious thought of being more confident to the forefront of my mind, and then project that feeling outward.  Admittedly, a couple things happened during the month that shook my confidence a little, like being bullied by a co-worker.  But just thinking about being more confident was like wearing a suit of armor to protect me, and keep me from letting those negative things get under my skin.

Going forward I plan to be much-more self-confident. I plan to trust my instincts, believe in myself that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, and be self-reliant and not dependent on others to tell me that I can accomplish things.  Confidence, like many other things, is a self-fulfilling prophecy -- when you expect a positive outcome, that's what you get in return.





37 Days of Confidence

I have struggled with body confidence my entire life.  Even at my leanest, I felt like my flaws were magnified.  In today's media environment when we are surrounded by pictures of models and celebrities, inundated with fad diets and magic pills, and covered over with the "keeping up with the Joneses" concept, it is easy to feel like we don't measure up. Whether we think we're too fat, too skinny, too hairy, too bald, or what have you, we're daily wishing we had what someone else has got.

While doing my last project, 37 Days of Gifts, I noticed when I interacted with people that I avoided eye contact and spent a lot of time walking with my head down.  When someone attractive smiled at me, my normal response was to blush and look away, or worse, give them a "deer in the headlights" look.  I wonder how many times I've given off a bad first impression just with my unconfident body language.

So my next project is 37 Days of Confidence.  My goal for the next 37 days is to focus on things I like about myself, and concentrate on improving my posture and projecting a more confident aura.  Other people are attracted to confidence, and a positive attitude gives off good vibes.  If the theory "be what you want to attract" holds true, then perhaps I'll find myself more in the company of confident, positive people.

37 Days of Gifts Recap

For the past 37 days, I have been focused on seeing ways in which my life is a gift to others.  What I learned was that small things, even things that seem inconsequential, really do add up and make a difference to those around me.  Sometimes it was something as simple as making the coffee for my coworkers, or paying a small favor forward to someone else.  Sometimes it was listening and comforting a friend who was feeling down.  Sometimes it was performing "labors of love", like cooking or cleaning for my kids, or teaching them about manners and boundaries through tough love.  Sometimes it involved being generous with my time or money in order to make someone's day. And sometimes it involved doing things for myself, such as eating healthy, working out or relaxing, so that by taking care of myself I was better prepared to take care of my family.

There's a lot of times when we all feel unappreciated and that what we do doesn't matter, but it does.  Sometimes it's just a matter of changing the way we look at what we do; for example, cooking and cleaning might just seem like chores, but if I didn't do those things for my kids, they would go hungry and live in filth.  Performing those chores is an expression of my love for them, and my gift to them is making sure that they are healthy and well taken care of.  Far too often I've seen what can happen to children whose parents don't feel the same way. Working out may have been a gift to myself, but it was in fact a gift to my family because when the time comes for my strength and fortitude, I'll be in good enough shape to do whatever needs to be done and can take care of them. I've seen other family members purposely not take care of themselves and become a burden. 

What I took away from this project was that what I do for others is what gives my life meaning and purpose.  I wasn't put on this planet to only serve myself and simply exist from day to day for my own benefit; I was put here to be a blessing to my own little corner of the world, and I reap blessings from others in return.

If you've been wondering what your purpose is, or where you fit in the world, give the 37 Days of Gifts project a try and see just how much of an impact your life has on others.

The 37 Days of Positive Thinking Boot Camp

I started this project as a way to help rid myself of the negative thoughts that were holding me back from being happy, but have seen other people have a positive impact from trying it as well.  While I chose to focus on one positive aspect at a time every 37 days for myself, I have recently come up with a boot camp plan for those who are really struggling with a flood of emotions and need to regain focus.  Either way, making a change for the better is always a good thing.

The boot camp doesn't require any push ups or drill sargeants, only a notebook and some time to reflect.  Here's my 37 Days of Positive Thinking Boot Camp- every day you are to record in your journal the following:

• 1 thing you are grateful for and why
• 1 good thing that happened to you that day and how it made you feel
• 1 way in which you made a positive difference to someone else and how they were impacted by it (it could be anything, even as simple as a smile)
• 1 thing you found truly beautiful during the day
• 1 thing you like about yourself
• 1 thing you are afraid of and why, and
• 1 thing that needs to be forgiven, whether that is yourself or past hurts and old grudges

It sounds like a lot and some of those items will be more challenging on certain days than others.  But here's the reasoning behind it- each one of those things serves to help you refocus your mind, empty your heart of negativity and fill it back up with peace.

Why did I select those things? To me, all positive thinking begins with gratitude.  When we take time to really look at the people and things in our lives that we appreciate but probably take for granted, we find that our blessings usually outweigh our troubles.  Even on bad days when you feel like the world is conspiring against you, there is always at least one bright moment that happens; let that bright moment shine in your mind and it will chase away the darkness you feel.  Negativity is very self-centered, so when we shift our attention to others and share simple acts of kindness, it show us that our lives have purpose and meaning beyond ourselves.  Taking a moment to savor something beautiful, even if it's just a flower growing in a sidewalk crack, make us slow down and appreciate the good things the world has to offer.  It is easy to be our own worst enemies and be critical of ourselves.  We tell ourselves things that we would never dream of saying to another person.  Reminding ourselves of our good qualities on a daily basis reminds us how important it is to be our own best friends.  Fear drives a lot of our actions and because it is painful, we hesitate to acknowledge it. Fear can make us make bad choices and hold us back from future happiness.  In order for fear not to control us, we have to bring it to the surface and process it, much like exorcising a demon. Only then can that fear be seen for what it really is and be conquered.  And lastly, forgiveness is the only way to achieve lasting peace.  If you harbor hatefulness and regret in your heart, you leave little room for peace.  Holding grudges usually causes more pain to the one holding the grudge rather than the one the grudge is about. It's a splinter that festers. Forgiveness helps you remove the splinter and begin to heal.

You might not be ready to tackle all of these items at one time. Split them up and work on them in a way that fits your current need. But the main thing is to take the first step and tell negativity that it has no place in your life.

Thoughts on Being a Gift

I was sitting at my desk at work, filling in spreadsheets and wishing I had someone special in my life. I was lamenting the fact that I always seem to attract weirdos and men older than my parents; I was jealous over seeing all the beautiful couples at the park and wishing it was me instead of them.

And then a lightbulb went off and I thought about myself in a way that never occurred to me before: I am a gift. The decision to share my time with another when I could be doing something else is a gift to that person. The decision to make myself vulnerable to another's desires is a gift. The decision to trust someone with my body and heart is a huge gift.  The decision to invite someone into my home, my private sanctuary, is a gift.

Not everyone is worthy of such gifts. Some people, like my ex-husband, didn't appreciate my gifts and took them for granted. Some people don't recognize the value of the gifts I have to offer and they treat them carelessly. Some people think they are entitled to my gifts because they paid me a little bit of attention. Unfortunately I have tried to give my gifts to all of those types of people, only to have my battered heart and bruised ego handed back to me callously.

Someone, somewhere, will be worthy of receiving my gifts someday. That person will see what I have to offer as I lay my treasures at their feet and will find them priceless gifts.  That person will take those gifts and gently care for them, not put them in a box on a high shelf to be forgotten, or tossed out with yesterday's garbage. They will accept my gifts with gratitude, and in return, give me their own gifts to treasure.

When I give someone a present for a special occasion, I put a lot of time and effort into choosing or making something that I know they would like and use. Most of the time my presents are homemade, because I enjoy using my talents and creativity to bring joy to someone else. There's no better feeling in the world to me than making someone else happy. Giving someone my personal gifts is no different; I put a lot of time and effort into making another person happy. It is in my best interest to find a partner that is worth all of efforts and in return makes the effort to try and make me happy as well.

Finding that special person takes a lot of patience. In the meantime, I will be sculpting my gifts and perfecting them in preparation for the one who is to receive them.  For the next 37 days, I will be taking a daily look at ways in which I am a gift to those around me, and how that in turn gives my life meaning and purpose.

The Top 10 Forgotten Truths for Happiness

This was an article I came across on Facebook, written by Kenny Kramer.  It has been reposted here with his permission.
Its been a minute since I went and wrote a larger article about mental happiness...
So buckle up and read , this is somewhat long....
but well worth your time I promise
The wisest, most loving, and well rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have known misery, known defeat, known the heartbreak of losing something or someone they loved, and have found their way out of the depths of their own despair.
They've been in the bottom of every bottle and lived there for awhile
These people have experienced many ups and downs, and have gained an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, understanding and a deep loving wisdom. People like this aren’t born; they develop slowly over the course of time.
I have worked with thousands of these incredible people over the past decade, both online and offline, through various forms of mentoring. In many cases they came to us feeling stuck and lost, unaware of their own brilliance, blind to the fact that their struggles have strengthened them and given them an upper hand in this crazy world.
Truth be told, when hard times hit, and the challenges you face are great, you can either let your situation define you, let it destroy you or let it strengthen you. The choice is yours to make.
I want to remind you of a few powerful, yet easily forgotten truths that will help you choose wisely and grow stronger even through the hardest times…
1. Pain is part of life and love, and it helps you grow.
So many of us are afraid of ourselves, of our own truth, and our feelings most of all. We talk about how great the concepts of life and love are, but then we hide from both every day. We hide from our truest feelings. Because the truth is life and love hurt sometimes, and the feelings this brings disturbs us.
We are taught at an early age that all pain is evil and harmful. Yet, how can we ever deal with real life and true love if we’re afraid to feel what we really feel?
We need to feel pain, just as we need to feel alive and loved.
Pain is meant to wake us up. Yet we try to hide our pain. Realize this. Pain is something to carry willingly, just like good sense.
Because you can only learn how strong you are when being strong is the only choice you have.
It’s all in how you carry the things that don’t go your way. That’s what matters in the end. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you
your own reality.
If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting the lies of insecurity destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel pain to endure it
to own your scars , to deal with the realities of life and love, as you grow into the strongest, wisest, truest version of yourself.
2. Mindset is half the battle....half
It’s okay to have down days and tough times.
Expecting life to be wonderful all the time is wanting to swim in an ocean in which waves only rise up and never come crashing down.
However, when you recognize that the rising and crashing waves are part of the exact same ocean, you are able to let go and be at peace with the reality of these ups and downs. It becomes clear that life’s ups require life’s downs.
In other words, life isn’t perfect, but it sure is good. Our goal shouldn’t be to create a perfect life, but to live an imperfect life in radical amazement.
To get up every morning and take a good look around in a way that takes nothing for granted.
Everything is extraordinary. Every day is a gift. Never treat life casually. To be spiritual in any way is to be amazed in every way.
Do not let the pain of a situation make you hopeless.
Do not let negativity wear off on you. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Even though others may disagree with you, take pride in the fact that you still know the world to be a beautiful place.
Change your thoughts and you change your reality.
And mindset is especially powerful when it comes to accepting that…
Why look for bad apples. when it is a bigger challenge to pick the ones from the top?
3. Your biggest fears don’t really exist. ... remember this shit..it took me ages.
When times are hard it can be difficult to follow your heart and take another step, but it’s a tragedy to let the lies of fear stop you.
Although fear can feel overwhelming, and defeats more people than any other force in the world, it’s not as powerful as it seems. Fear is only as deep as your mind allows. You are still in control. So take control!
The key is to acknowledge your fear and directly address it, brutally.
Fight hard to shine the light of your words upon it.
Because if you don’t, if your fear becomes a wordless, obscure darkness that you avoid, and perhaps even manage to briefly forget, you open yourself to future attacks from fear when you least expect it. Because you never truly faced the opponent who defeated you.
You CAN beat fear if you face it. Be courageous! And remember that courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid; courage means you don’t let fear stop you from moving forward with your life.
4. You are growing through experience.
Over time you will find that life isn’t necessarily any easier or harder than you thought it was going to be; it’s just that the easy and the hard aren’t exactly the way you had anticipated, and don’t always occur when you expect them to.
This isn’t a bad thing; it makes life interesting. With a positive attitude you will always be pleasantly surprised.
When you stop expecting things to be a certain way, you can appreciate them for what they are. Ultimately you will realize that life’s greatest gifts are rarely wrapped the way you expected.
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you wanted
Experience is the most valuable commodity you own – it builds your strength.
You have the power to turn your wounds and worries into wisdom; you just have to do something about them. You have to accept what has happened and use what you’ve learned to step forward.

It doesn't even matter if you went to full batshit crazy on someone and are

embarrassed ... Do something about it and don't ignore the elephant in the room

Everything you’ve experienced has given you the upper hand for dealing with everything you have yet to experience.
Realize this and set yourself free.
5. You can’t change situations you don’t take responsibility for.
Sigmund Freud once said, “Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.”
Don’t let this be you. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you surrender power over that part of your life.
Make no mistake, in the end, the price of happiness IS responsibility. As soon as you stop making everyone and everything else responsible for your happiness, the happier you’ll be. If you’re unhappy now, it’s not someone else’s fault.
Ultimately, your happiness depends on your self-reliance
Your unshakable willingness to take responsibility for your life from this moment forward, regardless of who had a hand in making it the way it is now. It’s about taking control of your present circumstances, thinking for yourself, and making a firm choice to choose differently. It’s about being the hero of your life, not the victim.
6. The present is all you really have to deal with.
Life is not lived in some distant, imagined land of someday where everything is perfect.
Don't run from mistakes
It is lived here and now, with the reality of the way things are. Yes, by all means you can work toward an idealized tomorrow. Yet to do so, you must successfully deal with the world as it is today.
Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on past experiences, that it is not where we should be or want to be. But the truth is, where you are now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go tomorrow. So appreciate where you are.
Your friends and family are too beautiful to ignore. Take a moment to remember how fortunate you are to be breathing. Take a look around, with your eyes earnestly open to the possibilities before you. Much of what you fear does not exist. Much of what you love is closer than you realize. You are just one brief thought away from understanding the blessing that is your life.
Happiness is a mindset that can only be designed into the present.
It’s not a point in the future or a moment from the past; yet sadly, this misconception hurts the masses. So many young people seem to think all their happiness awaits them in the years ahead, while so many older people believe their best moments are behind them. Don’t be either of them. Don’t let the past and the future steal your present. (Read The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment.)
7. There is always, always, always something to be thankful for.
Life is better when you’re smiling.
Being positive in a negative situation is not naive; it’s a sign of leadership and strength. You’re doing it right when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead.
What if you woke up tomorrow with only the things you were thankful for today?
Think of all the beauty that remains around you, see it and smile. Be thankful for all the small things in your life, because when you put them all together you will see just how significant they are. At the end of the day, it’s not happiness that makes us thankful, but thankfulness that makes us happy.
8. Great things take time.

Ask my dog, I make him work and behave to get treats...long run he's the

best he can be.

Instant results are rarely the best results. With patience, you can greatly expand your potential. If your desires were always fulfilled immediately, you would have nothing to look forward to. You would miss out on the joys of anticipation and progress.
Real happiness isn't at the click of a mouse ....Be patient
Remember, patience is not about waiting; it’s the ability to keep a good attitude while working hard for what you believe in. It’s the willingness to stay focused, confidently staking one small step at a time, knowing that the way you move a mountain is by moving one stone at a time. Every stone you move, no matter how small, is progress.
Bottom line: You deserve more than mere instant gratification. Value that arrives in an instant is often gone in an instant. Value that takes time and commitment to create often outlives its creator – YOU.
9. Other people cannot validate you....fucking trust me on this
When we’re struggling to achieve something important, sometimes we look to others to validate our progress. But the truth is, they can’t…
No matter how many pics you post, until you know you are beautiful, you won't be happy
You are not in this world to live up to the expectations of others, nor should you feel that others are here to live up to yours. Pave your own unique path. What success means to each of us is totally different. Success is ultimately about spending your life happily in your own way.
You don’t have to be flashy to be impressive. You don’t have to be famous to be significant. You don’t have to be a celebrity to be successful. You don’t need to be validated by anyone else. You are already valuable. You just need to believe in yourself and what you wish to achieve.
You can be quietly humble and still be amazingly effective. Just because people don’t fall at your feet and worship you, doesn’t mean you are a failure. Quiet success is just as sweet as loud, flamboyant success, and usually far more real.
Success is how you define it, not what everyone else says it must be for you.
10. You are not alone.
In the midst of hard times, it’s easy to look around and see a bunch of people who seem to be doing just fine.
But they’re not. We’re all struggling in our own way. And if we could just be brave enough to open up about it, and talk to each other, we’d realize that we are not alone in feeling lost and alone.
So many of us are fighting the same exact battle alongside you.
We are all in this together. So no matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, know that there are others out there experiencing the same emotions. When you hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” it’s just your worried mind trying to sell you a lie. There’s always someone who can relate to you. Perhaps you can’t immediately talk to them, but they are out there.
If you’re feeling desperate right now, hear me: I often feel and think and struggle much like you do. I care about many of the things you care about, just in my own way. And although some people do not understand us, we understand each other. YOU are not alone...
You're real...be happy about that.
Afterthoughts
One of life’s greatest gifts is the fact that life is difficult. Because in dealing with life’s difficulties, we build invaluable strength. This strength enables us to successfully fulfill our deepest, most meaningful purposes. It is precisely because life is difficult that we are able to make it great. It is because life is difficult that we are able to rise above the difficulties. We are able to make a difference and we are able to truly matter.
So remember this…
When times are tough, you must be tougher. Don’t pray for an easy life; pray for the strength to endure a tough one that leads to greatness.